Letters to Nathan: Four Months

Dear Nathan,

Happy four-month birthday, my boy. You’ve grown in leaps and bounds this month. Four months seems like a lifetime ago.

One day, when you were a day over three months, I put you down on your playmat, stepped away for a few minutes, and came back to see you about two feet away from where I put you. What a surprise! You learned to kick and push yourself “up” the floor. You’re no longer immobile!

You rolled from your tummy to your back on September 17^th, but haven’t been able to repeat it. Judging from the look on your face when you found yourself suddenly on your back, you were just as surprised as I was.

You are so interested in the world around you, but it makes you very impatient and distracted. You want to stand up and see everything that’s going on. You’re so distracted when you feed now because you’d rather sit up and look around, but also screech because you’re hungry. Sometimes it’s tough to get a good feeding because you’d rather smile and “talk” instead.

You’re very sociable. I love the huge smiles you greet me with in the mornings. Daytime visitors often get a big grin too, though by early evening you are usually too crabby to smile much. You like being in busy restaurants and gatherings, though you get a bit overwhelmed after awhile too.

I think I know who your favourite person is: your daddy. You follow him everywhere with your eyes, and when you hear his voice, you strain to look for him. He played a peek-a-boo game with you, which resulted in your first giggle. This is now my all-time favourite video:

Nathan's First Giggles - Thanksgiving 2012 from Michelle W on Vimeo.

Airplane!

You attended your first wedding – Uncle Allen married Aunt Michelle on a beautiful September day, and you nearly stole the show with your cute outfit. 

You attended your first baby shower (to welcome your soon-to-be-born aunt!), and you were the only male in a house full of women. How exciting that there will be a new baby soon, and you will get to grow up together.

With your beautifully pregnant Great-Aunt Jenn

You even hosted your first dinner party, though you couldn't stay awake for the whole thing.

We had a busy Thanksgiving weekend, attending three turkey dinners and seeing lots of family. At around 15.5 lbs, you’re about the size of a turkey yourself!

Cousins! Cole (nearly 4), Isaac (2.5), Amelia (1.5), Nathan (4 months)

With Aunt Mary at Great-Aunt Liz's home on Thanksgiving weekend

You’ve developed better hand-eye coordination, and you can reach out for your toys and grasp them. This has been so neat to see, because before this you couldn’t really control your flailing arms. You’re also drooling and blowing spit bubbles, but it’s difficult to get bibs around your chubby neck.

You fight sleep like crazy. Nearly every nap and bedtime routine consists of you crying and thrashing while I hold you tight and bounce around. You have an uncanny knack of sensing when I sit down (even when I keep up the same bouncy motion!) and protest loudly. Not cool, Nathan, not cool at all. You were sleeping decently (2 wake-ups in the night, with a 4-5 hour stretch in the beginning of the night), but this past week has been quite terrible. I don’t know if it’s a growth spurt or what, but your sleep has regressed and I’m hoping that this phase passes soon.

Early morning chatter

 

The weather has gotten a bit chilly, and I love holding you in the early morning because you're like my own personal hot water bottle - so warm! You are truly your dad's son.

All dressed up for our walk on a beautiful fall day

You’re such a wonderful little boy, and I love all the new things you discover every day. Cuddling with you and waking up to your bright smile in the morning makes the frequent night wake-ups worth it, but please oh please start to sleep better soon. 

"Hello, I am four months old today. I'm so big now compared to my bear, Hudson"

"Mumma, I've had enough of this photo shoot!"

Love always,

Mumma

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday. It doesn't have the hoopla and anticipation that Christmas does. Instead, it quietly focuses on my two favourite things: family and food. Major life events have also happened to me on Thanksgiving - in 2007, Jay proposed to me (spoiler alert: I said "yes", haha) and in 2011, we found out I was pregnant.

A whole year has gone by since that Thanksgiving and I still remember the shock and joy I felt. Jay, on the other hand, was cautious and unconvinced that the very faint line on the home pregnancy test really meant we were having a baby. He made me re-test the next morning before he was properly overjoyed.

The first pregnancy test: when *I* knew I was pregnant

The second pregnancy test: when Jay became convinced

Those early days of pregnancy felt so surreal - I had this lovely secret deep in my belly. I wanted to shout it out and tell everyone, but at the same time it felt so fragile that I wanted to wait until it felt "safe" to do so. I remember already having hopes and dreams for this tiny seed of a baby, and I walked around in a bit of a daze. Then, something scary happened. A few weeks after Thanksgiving, I had some spotting for about a week. The Internet gave scary statistics about early bleeding and the risk of miscarriage, and I remember sobbing over what I thought was imminent heartbreak. We went to the hospital emergency room, and I had an ultrasound done. They wouldn't allow Jay in the room, so it was just me and the ultrasound technician. I didn't think I could handle getting bad news without Jay in the room, or worse: have to tell him the bad news myself. The technician was stone-faced during the procedure - she had likely done many early ultrasounds before, and knew that there wasn't always good news. The procedure felt like it was taking forever, but probably lasted ten minutes. She was so quiet. Finally, she said "Well, I'll have to confirm it with the doctor, but there's a good strong heartbeat. Would you like to hear it?" She turned on the sound and I could hear the rapid lub-dub and see the flickering heartbeat on the screen. I released the breath I didn't know I had been holding in, and cried. A year later, we have our healthy beautiful baby boy.

This year, I have so much to be thankful for. Obviously, Nathan is at the top of that list but his arrival has really made me appreciate everyone else in my life. Our friends and family rallied around us when Nathan was born and have given us so much help and support. In no particular order, here are some people I'm truly thankful for this year:

• My parents. It's such a cliche, but so true that you  don't fully appreciate everything your parents have done for you until you become a parent yourself. I can't count the number of times they have come through for me, and all the small and large acts of kindness they've bestowed on us this year. During the first two months after Nathan's birth, I was a mess. My mom cooked, cleaned, did laundry, held the baby, kept reminding me to take naps and was just generally the most awesome mom ever. Later, she packed most of our condo before our move. Truly, I'm so thankful for my mom and dad.
• My sister, Kelly. With zero past experience with babies under her belt, she has become such a fun and loving auntie to Nathan. My heart warms when I see them together.
• My Aunt Elaine. We moved into a house that's just a few doors down from hers, and we've already benefitted greatly. She invites us over for meals, brings over homemade soup, provides great company, and loves Nathan to death. I'm so grateful for her help and generosity.
• My grandparents. What a wonderful sweet gift it has been to make great-grandparents out of them. Nathan is the first great-grandbaby on both sides, and I love seeing how my grandparents light up when he's around.
• Jay's family. I've always felt very accepted by Jay's family, even in our early days of dating. But now, having known them for almost a decade I can truly say that they are my family too, and I'm so grateful for their vast knowledge and support. I adore our nephews and niece, and love that Nathan will grow up with them.
• Our friends. They've been so generous with their time (and baby gifts galore!), and so thoughtful of our roles as new parents. But mostly I love that when we spend time with them, we can have wine and adult conversations.
• Jay. Oh, I can't even write about how thankful I am for Jay, and how I feel when I see him with our son. Really, I can't.
• The good health of our friends and family.

We told my family when I was about 10 weeks along. Right before Jay took this photo, I said "I'm pregnant!!" As you can see, only I reacted (with a ridiculously goofy grin). Everyone else thought I was kidding, and kept their photo face on.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian readers - I hope the holiday is filled with family, food and joy for you!